Saying Goodbye to Negativity

How saying no to negativity, will naturally allow you to gravitate to positivity.

“When you are not honouring the present moment by allowing it to be, you are creating drama.” – Eckhart Tolle

How many times, in the last week have you made a negative comment about someone, listened to someone else saying negative things about another person or in fact let your inner voice feed yourself negative lies? Avoiding drama and negativity will be the start of a journey to a better, more positive, happier you and ultimately a calmer life. We often don’t realise how much these negative conversations about others or anger fuelled debates, for example, consume our thoughts and exhaust us.

If we stop, think and reflect; we can see that there are many traps that tie us into unnecessary negativity. One trap we can often find ourselves being caught in, is the whirlwind of unnecessary drama. Whether this be the friend or relative that always seems to want fight you, the co-worker who constantly complains or the person who only ever wants to talk about others etc. Whoever or whatever it is, that is trapping you into negative cycles or meaningless drama, is in turn compromising your inner peace. But, the only person who can stop this from happening, is you.

So, why do we allow these situations, issues and people get us down, zap our energy and draw us into negative thought patterns? Well, believe it or not, the answer is; because it is easier. You may not realise it, but actually, until we alter our mindset to allow us to re-focus and be in control of what we engage in, it is actually easier to just get swept up and taken along into the drama.

Nearly all drama fuelled situations are completely avoidable by us setting up clear boundaries, that allow us to protect our own well-being and keep us mindful and present. Setting and keeping personal boundaries help us to have ownership on what we allow ourselves to become involved in and stop us falling, unwittingly into situations, conversations and repetitive toxic behaviours. The boundaries we create for ourselves allow us to have complete control over our feelings, thoughts, actions and most importantly: reactions.

Our reactions single handily, will be the main part of this journey you will want to master. People WILL gossip to you, people WILL want to argue, people WILL moan. However, it is not about people. It is about YOU.

Practise the art of mindfulness when you are not faced with a situation you could become drawn into. Like running, you will only find running 5km easy, if you practise.

Mindfulness Activity

Imagine you are holding a warm cup of hot chocolate. Breathe in through your nose and smell the hot chocolate. Breathe out by blowing the drink to cool it down. Become in this moment. Do as many breaths as you need to, to become calm and in control.

Believe it or not, it is 100% possible not to be drawn into or respond to drama. However, you need to ensure you are mindful and recognise when you are being drawn in, and this is when it can become hard.

The reason this is hard, is because sometimes you may have strong views on something, you may feel passionate. I truly believe we should all speak up for things we believe are right and just. However, this passion can sometimes be sparked when complaining about a work issue or a fellow friend, as we can feel ourselves having an emotional response and this can lead us to react without thought. It is at that moment that you must practise the pause, be mindful. There are certain things that are NOT worth consuming yourself with. In the long run these things will feed more negativity. When faced with a situation that you could easily be swept up in, but know wouldn't be healthy, you need to stop and observe your thoughts and emotions at that moment. Do the mindfulness activity, and allow yourself to be develop that consciousness and self awareness, almost as an outsider looking in. Become a spectator, witness yourself and chose to witness you making good choices. You may struggle, you may want to react, your may be heart racing. That’s ok. Sit with those emotions, acknowledge them. Once you are able to acknowledge them without reacting or engaging with them, you will be able to stop and approach the situation from a more centred and less emotionally charged place.

Setting Boundaries

1) I can say NO.

We often think we can’t say no. How often have you refused to say no, and then spent the rest of the day feeding negative thoughts about the situation you found yourself in. Saying NO is not rude. It’s important for self-preservation and living most positively.

2) I WILL practise mindfulness to ground myself.

What you practice strengthens and gets easier with time. If you become so in tune with your breathing and your surroundings, you will be able to stop yourself feeding into emotionally charged responses and entering into drama and negativity conversations and situations.

3) Be positive.

How much easier is it to find the negativity in life and people? How often do you find yourself moaning because you have focused on the negative part of a situation? It will take time, practise and determination, but you need to make a clear effort to focus on the positive and let that fuel you. It is NOT easy. Even our media systems feed us with negativity to sell stories. Find the positive wherever you possibly can. Positivity feeds positivity. By not giving your energy to something you do not want and does not serve you, you immediately create a greater connection to what you do want.

4) Be Brave

Fear can prevent us from doing so many things in our lives, however in regards to setting boundaries, fear can stop us cutting toxicity out of our lives. Sometimes we have to distance ourselves and it takes real bravery to cut someone who is destroying your inner peace out of your life. However, if you use the analogy of a flower, we prune flowers to help their growth, well that’s the same as us.

Start today, set your boundaries, avoid the drama.

Create a vision for your life. Set goals. Live your best life.

Lisa Wilson

www.findyourpathlisawilson.com